1 00:00:02,568 --> 00:00:06,705 ♪ Thank you for being a friend 2 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:10,776 ♪ Traveled down the road and back again 3 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,210 ♪ Your heart is true 4 00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:17,115 ♪ You're a pal and a confidante 5 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:21,420 ♪ And if you threw a party 6 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:25,724 ♪ Invited everyone you knew 7 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:30,195 ♪ You would see the biggest gift would be from me 8 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,997 ♪ And the card attached would say 9 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:38,403 ♪ "Thank you for being a friend" ♪ 10 00:00:58,524 --> 00:01:01,159 Hi, Ma. Boy, am I steamed! 11 00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,528 They took Pat Sajak off Wheel of Fortune. 12 00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:06,564 Well, that's because he has his own late-night talk show now. 13 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,767 Oh, yeah, right. 14 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:11,736 The man spins a big wooden wheel for eight years, 15 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:15,640 suddenly he's discussing détente with Henry Kissinger. 16 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:20,512 What else happened lately? Mike Tyson hosting Masterpiece Theatre? 17 00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:24,249 Ma, why are you so cranky today? 18 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:28,887 I'm not cranky. I'm gassy. 19 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:32,390 I had one of those Weight Watchers broccoli au gratins for lunch. 20 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:34,259 Boy, that stuff's murder. 21 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:39,330 I'm surprised Lynn Redgrave has a friend in the world. 22 00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:43,735 Hi, Rose. Hey, how was football practice? 23 00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:46,938 Terrible. It's the laziest team I've ever seen in my life. 24 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,941 They didn't bust their tackles, didn't crack their blocks. 25 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,010 They played like a bunch of babies. 26 00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,913 Coach, you dropped your whistle. Oh. 27 00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,915 Thanks, Billy, that was very nice of you. 28 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,885 Now you two boys run along home. OK. Bye. 29 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,452 Billy? Yes? 30 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:06,291 I said run! Move it, you little pantywaist! On the double! 31 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,994 Rose! Rose, take it easy. 32 00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:11,930 You're pushing them too hard. Honey, they're only kids. 33 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,632 You're right. I've just been under so much pressure. 34 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:18,135 I never would have volunteered if I'd known the work that was involved. 35 00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:20,238 I need help. Mostly with your lipstick. 36 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,475 Emmett Kelly applied makeup with more finesse. 37 00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:28,246 Boy, she's really cranky. 38 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,916 And you don't want to know why. 39 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,152 Dorothy, I just had a great idea. 40 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,554 Why don't you become my assistant? 41 00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:38,556 Oh, Rose, forget it. Forget it. 42 00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,725 I don't want to get involved in sports with you. 43 00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:42,727 No, Rose, you're too competitive. 44 00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:45,730 You just take all the fun out of it. Not anymore, Dorothy, really. 45 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,732 Believe me, all I care about 46 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,402 is that these kids have a really good time. 47 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,836 Well, all right. 48 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:55,140 I mean, if you really mean it, you can count me in. 49 00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,408 Oh, great. 50 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:59,945 Oh, with your help, Dorothy, we'll kick their butts. 51 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:02,280 We'll chew 'em up and spit 'em out. 52 00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,316 We'll make 'em eat dirt for breakfast. 53 00:03:05,751 --> 00:03:07,618 Because breakfast is the most important meal 54 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:10,855 of the day. 55 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,758 Hi, girls. How's it going? How was practice, Rose? The boys OK? 56 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,294 No time to chat now. I'll see y'all later. Bye. 57 00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:20,098 Blanche, you're meeting him again, aren't you? 58 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:23,201 Who, Dorothy? Who? Who else? Tom Gallagher. 59 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,470 Blanche, you're too good for him. 60 00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:28,974 I will never understand what it is you have against Tom Gallagher. 61 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,542 He is a shallow insensitive snob 62 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:34,145 who stands you up constantly. 63 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:38,250 Dorothy, there happens to be another side to Tom Gallagher that most people don't see. 64 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:41,319 What is it? I don't know. I'm one of those people. 65 00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:44,989 But as long as he doesn't give me a dirty look when I order lobster, 66 00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:47,292 I don't care. 67 00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:50,227 Blanche... Oh, all right, all right, maybe he's not perfect, 68 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:53,230 but I happen to be in a little dating slump right now. 69 00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:56,067 I'm just happier having a man who isn't perfect 70 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,069 than looking around for one who is. 71 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,104 That's what Bush told everyone 72 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:02,873 when he was choosing a vice president. 73 00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,688 Hey, Blanche. I didn't see you. Uh, listen... 74 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,757 Ernie, could you freshen my drink? Oh, sure. Look... 75 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,260 Put some extra ice cubes in it this time. OK, Blanche... 76 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,929 I don't know why you're always so stingy with your ice cubes. 77 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,298 They are free, aren't they? Blanche... 78 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,300 Ernie, you notice how I keep interrupting you? 79 00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:32,103 It's because I don't want to hear what you're gonna tell me. 80 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,172 He called and canceled again, didn't he? 81 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:37,409 Sorry, Blanche. He told me to buy you anything you liked. 82 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,977 Oh, really? Well, then, get out your phone book 83 00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:42,179 and open it to the jewelry section. 84 00:04:43,949 --> 00:04:46,984 It's no fun being stood up, is it? 85 00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:49,820 Listen, mister, if you're looking for a quick score 86 00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:52,823 because you think I'm down, then you can just think again. 87 00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:55,826 As a matter of fact, I was looking for a little sympathy. 88 00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:58,063 Got stood up myself tonight. Really? 89 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,732 Cross my heart. What's left of it. 90 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:04,602 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just so darn angry. 91 00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:05,970 My name's Blanche. 92 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,573 John. John Quinn. How do you do? 93 00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:11,242 I don't know about you, but I sure feel too old to be stood up. 94 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,779 You're not the only one. This is the fourth time that man has canceled. 95 00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,815 He found somebody better, that's all. Oh, Blanche. 96 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,353 Yes, he did. Somebody younger and prettier. Blanche, it can't be. 97 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,454 Well, maybe you're right. 98 00:05:25,791 --> 00:05:28,660 Somebody younger and as pretty. 99 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,662 I think tonight may be the night I finally learned my lesson. 100 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,932 No more dates for a long time. 101 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,201 You mean that? I do. 102 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,937 Well, all right, then. I'm with you. No more dates. 103 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,971 Here's looking at you. Cheers. 104 00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:43,675 Oh, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. Did I get you? 105 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,678 No, no, I'm fine. But here, let me help you. 106 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,347 Thanks. This is embarrassing. 107 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,982 I gotta be the clumsiest guy on earth. No. 108 00:05:51,984 --> 00:05:55,052 You don't happen to know a good dry cleaner, do you? Oh, only the best. 109 00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:57,288 You know Andre's on Elm? Sure. 110 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,790 Well, Andre takes his clothes to this place. 111 00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:01,626 I'll write it down for you. 112 00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:04,996 Thanks. I'm glad it was red wine and not white. 113 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,831 Why? White's easier to get out. 114 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:09,534 I know, but I spilled red meat on this jacket at lunch, 115 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,036 and I wouldn't want your dry cleaner to think I was gauche. 116 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,938 Here you go. Oh, thanks. 117 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,940 I think I'll run along now. 118 00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,976 Nice meeting you, Mr. John Quinn. 119 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:21,579 Thank you. Same here, Blanche, uh... Devereaux. 120 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:24,849 Good night. Good night. 121 00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,751 Blanche? Yes? 122 00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:28,619 I know you're gonna think I'm a hypocrite for this, 123 00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:30,855 but is there any way I could call you for dinner? 124 00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:33,158 Only one way I can think of. What? 125 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,593 By looking at that napkin. My number's on it. 126 00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:36,794 Good night. 127 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:41,399 Can I get something else for you, John? 128 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,401 No, I think I'll call it a night, Ernie. 129 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,069 OK. 130 00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,437 Take care. 131 00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:47,972 Thanks, Ernie. 132 00:06:58,017 --> 00:07:00,952 Tommy Turner. 71. 133 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,720 Don't miss any meals, Turner. 134 00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:05,122 If you're less than 70, you can't play. 135 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:07,224 Uh, Freddy Leone. 136 00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:10,495 92. 137 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,429 Hey, Leone, try to remember 138 00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:14,732 lasagna was not meant to go in a sandwich. 139 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:20,171 Uh, last but not least, Billy Haskell. 140 00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:24,843 72. (all cheer) 141 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,744 Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. 142 00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:29,213 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 143 00:07:30,683 --> 00:07:34,152 How much does he weigh now, Ma? 144 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,987 68. 145 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,255 (boys) Aww. 146 00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,491 Sorry, Coach Rose. I tried. 147 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:41,159 I don't know what you're talking about. 148 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,460 Well, you said to take the book... And study. 149 00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:45,830 Study, study, study, study. 150 00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:48,766 No game Saturday, Billy. I'm sorry. 151 00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:51,368 Everybody, I'll see you at practice tomorrow. 152 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:55,506 Thanks a lot, Rose. 153 00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:58,075 You just taught a bunch of eight-year-old boys 154 00:07:58,077 --> 00:08:01,078 that it's more important to win than to play by the rules. 155 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,948 Big deal! Two pounds? He's our best player. 156 00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:06,617 If Billy doesn't play, the team can't win. 157 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:09,954 Rose, rules were made for people like Billy. 158 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:12,924 Little bodies don't like it when big bodies fall on them. 159 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:17,127 Which is why Raymond Burr never married. 160 00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,302 Girls, quick. I need some advice. 161 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:28,773 Wear half as much makeup and twice as much underwear. 162 00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:31,075 Take it as a standing recommendation. 163 00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:33,110 Sophia, I need advice on these earrings. 164 00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:35,547 Are they dressy enough for a really nice dinner? 165 00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:39,284 Oh, Blanche, don't tell me you're seeing Tom Gallagher again. 166 00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:43,454 No, I am not. I'm seeing that man I told you about I met in the bar - John Quinn. 167 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,824 Just got off the phone with him. He asked you out for tonight? 168 00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:48,993 Yes! I know it's a little quick, 169 00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,495 but when Blanche Devereaux wants a man, 170 00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:53,665 she does not stand on ceremony. 171 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,967 Or the floor. 172 00:08:57,369 --> 00:09:00,104 You seem pretty excited about this date. 173 00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,773 Something tells me this man is just about perfect. 174 00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:04,942 John is everything Tom wasn't. 175 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:07,812 He's smart, mature, responsible. (doorbell rings) 176 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:08,947 And on time. 177 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,681 Would you girls keep him entertained? 178 00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,716 I want to make sure I look perfect before he sees me. 179 00:09:16,688 --> 00:09:18,756 Hello. Hi, I'm John Quinn. 180 00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,692 Hi, I'm Rose, Blanche's roommate. 181 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,559 Hi, Rose. Won't you come in? 182 00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:25,262 Could you, uh, give me a hand? 183 00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:26,864 Well, sure. 184 00:09:30,902 --> 00:09:34,839 That's, uh... That's OK. I'll use this. 185 00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,574 Uh, come in. Thank you. 186 00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:41,178 Oh, how do you do, John? I'm Dorothy. 187 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:43,915 I'm Blanche's other roommate. Hello, Dorothy. 188 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:48,418 And I'm her gorgeous 22-year-old cousin. 189 00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:52,624 Hey, how many chances do I get? 190 00:09:53,959 --> 00:09:57,528 Hello, John. Well, how do I look? Blanche... 191 00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,398 Am I just the most adorable thing you ever saw? 192 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,167 Blanche... Are you blinded by my beauty? 193 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,635 Blanche! 194 00:10:05,704 --> 00:10:07,472 Oh, my God. 195 00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,574 Want a glass of water to wash down your foot? 196 00:10:14,913 --> 00:10:16,747 Blanche, was there something 197 00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:19,017 you didn't realize the other night? 198 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:22,152 Oh, you mean about you being blind, you mean? 199 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:27,858 Oh, goodness, no, of course I knew that. I'm not blind. 200 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,261 Not that there's anything wrong in that. 201 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:33,297 C-C-Course, there's nothing so good about it, either. 202 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,632 Could we just go? Great. 203 00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:37,468 What restaurant are we headed to? 204 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,470 Harvey's at the shore. Do you know it? 205 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,806 No, I don't. Oh, you'll love it. It has a gorgeous view. 206 00:10:51,950 --> 00:10:55,752 In this formation you're lined up in a wishbone with the U-back in motion. 207 00:10:55,754 --> 00:10:57,254 Any questions so far? 208 00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:59,223 I've got a question, Coach Rose. 209 00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:00,958 Am I an X or an O? 210 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,559 You're an O, Freddy. 211 00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:05,663 The other team are the X's, and you're all O's. 212 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,097 It's easy to remember. 213 00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:10,100 It's the number of points you scored this season. 214 00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:16,974 Now, the tight end decoys, so it looks like we're running a draw play, 215 00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:20,011 then he slips into a soft spot in the zone over the middle, 216 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,815 the flanker fakes a screen then runs a reverse behind the halfback, 217 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,783 which gives the quarterback two options... 218 00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:32,056 For God's sake, Rose, Eisenhower used less chalk planning D-day. 219 00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:37,094 OK. Well, then, let's just talk about a few things that happened in the last game. 220 00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:39,997 Nobody blocked this X. 221 00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,599 Billy could have blocked him. 222 00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:44,635 Well, maybe Billy could have, but Billy couldn't play, 223 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,837 and we all know why. 224 00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:49,807 I don't want to mention any names. Follow my eyes. 225 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,946 OK, that's it for practice today. 226 00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:58,715 Everybody get a good night's sleep. 227 00:12:00,551 --> 00:12:04,489 Coach Dorothy, can Billy and I get weighed together and we divide it? 228 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,524 Oh, I'm sorry. Nice try. 229 00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:09,827 You're beginning to think like a fourth-grader already. 230 00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:12,296 I told you it wouldn't work. 231 00:12:17,469 --> 00:12:19,003 Happy, Dorothy? 232 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,738 Thanks to you, we don't stand a chance in tomorrow's game 233 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:23,441 without our star player. 234 00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,409 Rose, listen, I am getting sick and tired 235 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,277 of being made out to be a villain 236 00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:29,347 simply because I play by the rules. 237 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,749 Relax. It'll all be over tomorrow. 238 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,184 If I make it that far. 239 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:36,788 I think I caught something practicing out in the rain. 240 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,991 So did I. Gee, I hope none of the boys caught it. 241 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,726 Don't worry about it. 242 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:44,962 Those boys can't catch anything. I've seen them practice. 243 00:12:46,431 --> 00:12:48,132 Hi, girls. 244 00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,768 Oh, hi. How did your date with John go? 245 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,671 Oh, perfect. Dinner and the symphony. 246 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:57,308 You must be really serious. You've seen him every night this week. 247 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,443 You're a lucky woman, Blanche. 248 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,445 Your guy John is just the type 249 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,282 I always figured was perfect for my Dorothy. 250 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,716 Oh, he sure is. 251 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,452 He's smart, he's sophisticated. 252 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,555 I was talking blind. 253 00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:15,426 (phone rings) 254 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,527 I'll get it. 255 00:13:17,529 --> 00:13:19,163 Hello. 256 00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:23,867 Well, hello there. How have you been? 257 00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:26,837 Yes, as a matter of fact, I am free tonight. 258 00:13:28,373 --> 00:13:31,375 Well, I would just love to meet for drinks. 259 00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:35,246 Seven is perfect. Bye. 260 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:38,115 Blanche, don't tell me that you were talking to Tom Gallagher. 261 00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:39,884 And what if I was? 262 00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,986 You have plans with John tonight. 263 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,188 Then obviously I'll just have to cancel. 264 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,390 Blanche, I can't believe this! 265 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:50,061 You two don't really expect me to limit myself to one man, now, do you? 266 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,763 Well, when it's one terrific man, yes. 267 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,999 I guess you two don't know me very well. 268 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,634 Blanche, this is the best relationship you've been in 269 00:13:57,636 --> 00:13:59,236 in the last five years. 270 00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:00,738 Why do you want to ruin it? 271 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:03,274 Because it's never gonna work. Why? 272 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,842 Because the man is blind. 273 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:09,046 Now, would the two of you please keep your noses out of my business? 274 00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:10,580 Blanche, you know something? 275 00:14:10,582 --> 00:14:13,884 When it comes to other people, you're the one who's blind! 276 00:14:23,528 --> 00:14:25,162 Here we go, Dorothy. 277 00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,431 Two bowls of Sophia's homemade remedy. 278 00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:30,767 Oh, Rose, this isn't gonna work. We have the flu. 279 00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:33,170 Well, we have to at least give it a try. 280 00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:36,974 Today's the big game. We can't let those kids down. 281 00:14:39,077 --> 00:14:41,512 Ugh, what is in this? 282 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:48,219 Red peppers, oregano, garlic, chicken fat and lard. 283 00:14:50,755 --> 00:14:54,525 Sophia swears it works every time. Now eat up. 284 00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:59,229 Oh, this is disgusting. 285 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:02,300 What's disgusting? Your cure for the flu. 286 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:05,136 Hey, that remedy's been in our family for generations. 287 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,371 And it always works? Always. 288 00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:10,240 Of course, I never saw anyone eat it before. 289 00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:15,379 Usually, you just throw a glop on the vaporizer. 290 00:15:20,885 --> 00:15:23,487 Oh, Rose, this is - this is hopeless. 291 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:26,958 We're never gonna feel well enough to coach that game today. 292 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,526 Oh, I guess we'll have to forfeit. 293 00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:31,963 But it's gonna break those kids' hearts. 294 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:35,232 Forfeit? You mean quit? 295 00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:37,935 You can't do that, Rose. No member of my family ever quits. 296 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,304 Sophia, I'm not a member of your family. 297 00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:44,241 Pretend, Rose. I'm going for a moment here. 298 00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:46,443 You never saw a Frank Capra film? 299 00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:50,080 I'm taking over. (doorbell rings) 300 00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:51,515 Wish me luck. 301 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:54,452 Ma, you don't know anything about football. 302 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,119 Please. What's to know? 303 00:15:56,121 --> 00:16:00,123 You hit a guy, you grab the pigskin, you run like crazy. 304 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,126 It's like shopping in Sicily. 305 00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:10,267 Hi, Sophia. Let's roll, Freddy. We got a game to win. 306 00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:13,670 That was really a sweet thing for Sophia to do. 307 00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:15,272 I know. 308 00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:18,442 But if she loses, I'll punch her stinking heart out. 309 00:16:23,347 --> 00:16:26,083 Oh, good, I'm so glad you girls are here. 310 00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:28,953 Listen, I acted so stupid last night. I apologize. 311 00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,388 I need to talk. Why, Blanche? 312 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:35,493 No matter what we say, you're gonna end up doing exactly what you want. 313 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,895 We told you last night you were pushing away a terrific guy, 314 00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:39,697 and you did, didn't you? 315 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:42,232 Yes, but you don't understand why I pushed John away. 316 00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:44,402 You told us. Because he's blind. 317 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:46,136 Yes, because he's blind. 318 00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:48,939 But you don't know what it meant, dating a blind man. 319 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:53,244 John took away the one thing I'd always felt secure about - my looks. 320 00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,178 How do I always attract men? 321 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:58,482 By being pretty, by acting sexy, showing a little leg. 322 00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:00,618 With John, those things don't work. 323 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:03,120 I spent half the time I was with him thinking, 324 00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:05,856 "What in the world does this man like about me?" 325 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,060 So you went back to Tom because you know what he likes. 326 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,261 Yes, but the whole time I was with him I was miserable, 327 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,364 'cause I wanted to be with John. 328 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,699 Well, then tell all this to John. 329 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,035 I guess that is my only choice. 330 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,903 Yes, I'm gonna look him up tonight 331 00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,905 and I'm gonna patch things up. 332 00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:24,074 Oh, thank you. 333 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:26,076 I'm so glad we're friends again. 334 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,145 Oh, honey, of course we are. 335 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:31,181 And by the way, I have never asked you what it is y'all have. 336 00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:32,682 Oh, we're not sure. 337 00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:35,385 All we know is it makes your skin blotchy, 338 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,721 and your eyes puffy and your cheeks swollen. 339 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,723 And you get heart palpitations. 340 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,725 Good thing for those palpitations, 341 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,794 otherwise you might never have known you even had it. 342 00:17:58,176 --> 00:18:00,644 OK, here's the game plan. 343 00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:02,646 We keep it on the ground. 344 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,848 Then, when they're used to it on the ground, 345 00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,917 we attack them through the air. 346 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:11,555 I've used the same formula for 60 years of lovemaking. Trust me - it works. 347 00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:14,091 OK, everybody, hit the field. 348 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,160 (boys) Yeah! 349 00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:21,132 You're upset 'cause you can't play, aren't you? 350 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,367 Still could, if you let me. 351 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,603 Aren't you still 2 pounds below the limit? 352 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,239 Yeah. Boy, I hate being small. 353 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,340 Hey, being small isn't all bad. 354 00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:32,509 Take it from someone who knows. 355 00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:36,046 You mean you? You see Billy Barty sitting here? 356 00:18:37,381 --> 00:18:39,483 There are big advantages to being small. 357 00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:42,052 One, you never outgrow your clothes. 358 00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:44,154 Two, you seldom bump your head. 359 00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:46,624 Three, the world thinks you're cute. 360 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,825 You think Danny DeVito got to be famous 361 00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:51,195 with his good looks? 362 00:18:51,197 --> 00:18:53,630 There's nothing wrong with being small, kid, 363 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,799 but it is wrong to cheat. 364 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:59,870 If you learn in life to follow the rules and play fair, 365 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:02,506 you'll be heads above the crowd. 366 00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:03,974 You know, Sophia, 367 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,310 all of a sudden I feel so much better. 368 00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:10,447 I had a feeling at your age a good cliché would work. 369 00:19:11,716 --> 00:19:14,151 Now eat this. What is it? 370 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,153 That's a meatball and pepper sandwich. 371 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,755 If that doesn't put the weight on you, nothing will. 372 00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:22,126 OK, get suited up. All right! 373 00:19:33,371 --> 00:19:35,839 Well, don't just stand there. 374 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,240 What? 375 00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:40,311 It's your perfume, Blanche. It gives you away every time. 376 00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:43,947 Oh, goodness. For a blind man, you're certainly observant. 377 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:46,850 Have a seat. Thank you. 378 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:50,554 Your secretary told me you were meeting somebody here, so I won't keep you. 379 00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,690 I just thought we ought to talk. 380 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:56,360 Blanche, if you've come to apologize for last night, I understand. 381 00:19:56,362 --> 00:20:00,597 Well, I'm-I'm not sure you do, John. 382 00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:03,133 I like you very much. 383 00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:06,436 Problem is, I just don't know what it is you like about me. 384 00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:09,873 See, I'm used to men liking me for my looks - 385 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,676 at least partly - and you don't. 386 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,311 (laughs) I sure don't. 387 00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:16,947 As a matter of fact, I'm glad I never have to look at you. 388 00:20:21,819 --> 00:20:23,387 What? 389 00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,889 That's right. You see, when I like somebody, 390 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,959 I get to make up what they look like for myself, 391 00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,995 and when I like somebody... a lot, 392 00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:35,232 I make up a pretty nice picture. 393 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:39,136 Would it be rude of me to ask just what that picture is you have of me? 394 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,838 Oh, well... 395 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:44,708 You make me laugh, so you got a terrific smile. Yes. 396 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:48,112 You're smart and thoughtful, so you've got beautiful eyes. 397 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,614 Yes. 398 00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:53,517 And you're a music lover, so you've got a big behind. 399 00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:54,517 Ye- 400 00:20:57,621 --> 00:21:00,224 No. 401 00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:04,727 Just wanted to see if you were paying attention. 402 00:21:04,729 --> 00:21:06,729 I think you're just terrific. 403 00:21:06,731 --> 00:21:09,033 I feel awful stupid about last night. 404 00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:11,335 Don't, Blanche. I know it's not easy. 405 00:21:11,337 --> 00:21:14,672 I'd love it if we could make plans for next week. My treat. 406 00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:18,442 How about if I call you Monday? Great. 407 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,443 John? Elaine, hello. 408 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:23,013 Hi. Blanche, this is Elaine. 409 00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:25,548 Well, hello, Elaine. I was just leaving. 410 00:21:25,550 --> 00:21:28,585 John, you and Elaine have a good time tonight. 411 00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:30,487 Oh, and just so you'll know, 412 00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:34,792 it looks like Elaine here is an even bigger music lover than I am. 413 00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:46,637 (door opens) 414 00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:47,938 Oh. 415 00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:50,441 Blanche, hi. Did everything work out with John? 416 00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:52,476 Oh, yes. We're getting together next week. 417 00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,478 I thought you two would be in bed. 418 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,946 We just got out. 419 00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:59,416 Ugh, feels like we spent the whole day in bed. 420 00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:02,719 You say that like it's a bad thing. 421 00:22:04,589 --> 00:22:08,325 Make way for the victors. You won the big game? 422 00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:12,162 No, Rose, we lost, and we all changed our names to Victor. 423 00:22:15,299 --> 00:22:18,468 Of course we won. Now it's time for ice cream. 424 00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:20,470 (all) Yeah! 425 00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:22,539 Good going, guys! 426 00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:24,908 Ma, wait a minute, wait a minute. Ma. 427 00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:27,811 Did you let Billy play? Billy? Billy... 428 00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:30,414 Little boy, brown hair. She knows who he is. 429 00:22:30,416 --> 00:22:34,118 Uh, he played a little. Ma, that was illegal. 430 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:37,187 Was. I gave him a sandwich so he'd make weight. 431 00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:39,689 Unfortunately, on the first play it gave him a cramp, 432 00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:43,360 and he had to sit out, but they won it without him. 433 00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:46,663 I knew they could, because of all the discipline I taught them. 434 00:22:46,665 --> 00:22:50,567 Baloney. It's because of the team spirit that I taught them. 435 00:22:50,569 --> 00:22:52,068 You're both wrong. 436 00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:55,406 It was the "Statue of Mussolini" play I taught theme. 437 00:22:55,408 --> 00:22:56,707 What's that? 438 00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,641 Everybody piles on the star quarterback 439 00:22:58,643 --> 00:23:00,277 on the first play, 440 00:23:00,279 --> 00:23:04,381 and then he's out for the rest of the game. 441 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:09,520 Ma, Ma, that is a mean, underhanded, despicable thing to do. 442 00:23:09,522 --> 00:23:10,987 So was World War II. 443 00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:13,556 We're talkin' about Mussolini.